100 Things to Make You Happy

After yesterday's serious subject matter, I thought I'd write about something a little lighter today.

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In British Glamour I stumbled upon an article called "100 Things to Make You Happy." I enjoyed reading their list so much that I decided to make my own! I think we could all use a little happiness inspiration - especially when there's snow on the ground!

Activities

Play a musical instrument

Draw a picture

Read a book

Take photos

Try a new recipe

Spend Time With

A friend

A family member

A newborn

Some adorable puppies

A kitten with attitude

Songs by Women

 Stronger - Kelly Clarkson

We are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together - Taylor Swift

Anything Could Happen - Ellie Goulding

Shake It Out - Florence & the Machine

Call Me Maybe - Carly Rae Jepsen

Songs by Men

Uptown Girl - Billy Joel

Together Forever - Rick Astley

Subtraction - Coheed & Cambria

Suitcase - Circa Survive

Gangnam Style - Psy

Movies

Mean Girls

Toy Story

The Cider House Rules

Star Wars

Batman Begins

TV Shows

Breaking Bad

Adventuretime

Community

Doctor Who

The Daily Show

Books

Bossy Pants by Tina Fey

1Q84 by Haruki Murakami

Looking for Alaska by John Green

Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris

Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi

YouTubers

SavedByTheMerv

CollegeHumor

JennaMarbles

HelloKatyxo

JuicyStar07

Blogs of Note

KittySnooks

The Militant Baker

Bleubird

Delightfully Tacky

Style Rookie

Games

Dungeons and Dragons

Cosmic Encounter

Resistance

Time's Up!

Bang!

PC/Video Games

Minecraft

League of Legends

Journey

Closure

Super Mario

Sweet Foods

Hot chocolate

Ice cream

Chocolate chip cookies

M&Ms

Smoothies

Savory Foods

Pasta with pesto

Pad thai

Mashed potatoes

Fajitas

French bread

Places to Go

Zoo

Park

Beach

Library

Movie theater

Keeping In Touch

Reconnect on Facebook

Send a letter

Make a phone call

Send a text

Skype

Sports

Running

Volleyball

Soccer

Football

Lacrosse

Comics

Bizarro

Calvin and Hobbes

Dilbert

Peanuts

The Family Circus

Magazines

Nylon

Vogue

National Geographic

Wired

Vanity Fair

Try a New Language

French

Spanish

Arabic

German

Italian

Things You Didn't Outgrow

Disney movies and cartoons

Blowing bubbles

Moon bounces

The alphabet game

Taking a catnap (cat optional)

Obviously, a list of one hundred things doesn't even begin to cover the innumerable possibilities.

Please feel free to leave your own ideas and recommendations in the comments.

I hope your day is full of happiness!

Dealing with Diagnosis

I want to start this post by thanking everyone who has read my blog in the last week. The outpouring of support I have received after sharing the fact that I am bipolar has been overwhelming. Family, friends, and even acquaintances have reached out to me, and I have felt so loved. 

I know everyone has a unique situation, but if you are struggling with whether or not to share your own diagnosis, I would encourage you to share with even just one person. You don't need write a public Internet post like I did. You might be surprised with the reactions you get - and if someone gives you trouble, I can only advise you to be patient with their lack of understanding.

This week I want to talk about getting a diagnosis, because it can be one of the most critical steps to helping you find balance in your life. I am not a mental health professional, and I am merely sharing my own story. If something you read strikes a chord with you today, I would encourage you to talk to a licensed therapist or psychiatrist. 

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I wasn't born with "bipolar" tattooed across my forehead.

There was no special note on my birth certificate.

No extra stamp in my passport.

There weren't even symptoms until a few years ago. 

I had a normal, very happy childhood marked by some moves around Europe and strong friendships. I loved school, was a perfectionist, and liked drama and acting. I enjoyed performing in school plays and writing school newspaper. 

Yes, I hated aspects of middle school, but in that aspect, I believe I was like most tweens.

A religious conversion charmed my entry into high school. I continued to be a high achiever with a large friend group. I was passionate about life and excited about future possibilities. Unfortunately, I was forced to leave my comfort zone as we relocated for the sixth time in my life.

We decided to try online schooling to allow for some continuity in my academic career, but I wilted without adequate socialization. My eating disorder worsened, and I became depressed. The kind of depressed where you can't get out of bed, vacillate between eating everything and eating nothing, and cry constantly.

Consequently, I enrolled in a local school in the middle of the school year.

Although initially things were alright, I had difficultly making friends. The depression I had homeschooling didn't magically lift when I started going to school. I doubt my teachers or fellow students knew anything. When some of them found out that I had been hurting myself to cope, they were shocked and confused. The face I put on at school to avoid attention put extra pressure on me that resulted on crumbling when I got home. I had a very negative reaction with the first medication we tried, and I felt like I was sliding down the rabbit hole. I wrote morose poetry and dark short stories that reflected the pain I felt. Before long, I was back to not functioning. Back to laying in bed. Back to not coping.

I moved back to the States in the spring of 2010 in order to care I needed. The therapist I first met with believed I was bipolar, but the psychiatrist I met with thought that it was probably just situational depression that would end now that I was removed from the "situation."

I'll fast-forward to now, where I have an excellent new team consisting of a great therapist, a talented psychiatrist, and a supportive family. We were able to track my moods in a way that we could see clear patterns. Things didn't get better just by moving to the States. A lot of the same problems moved across the Atlantic with me, but we targeted them and alleviated the ones we could.

I only got my official "bipolar" diagnosis while I was in the hospital this past Christmas.

Now I do have a piece of paper that says "MOOD DISORDER: BIPOLAR" on it.

I can carry it around like a badge, scrapbook it, frame it, burn it.

Though none of those ideas are very helpful.

It may seem after all of that that getting the diagnosis was the tricky part, but what's really tricky is what's ahead. It's what I do with this diagnosis.

While I am bipolar, I am also, most importantly, 

Jenna.

Bipolar disorder explains my mood swings and some of my behaviors and thought processes.

But it does not define me.

I'm still the girl that likes drama and writing, but now I have new interests to add to those.

(and Barbies and PollyPocket have been left at the wayside)

I'm still the perfectionist and high-achiever. I'm still passionate about life, and I want to change the world.

Some days, I cling more closely to my bipolar label than I want to; it's a process developing daily.

Some days, I feel like THIS IS ME.

Other days, I don't want it. I shirk it. I hate it.

But it doesn't change the fact that I am what I am.

Bottom-line: We all have our labels. Even labels that aren't related to mental health affect how we perceive ourselves. Daily, we try to reconcile these labels with our ever-expanding ideas of who were are. 

My hope is that we give those struggling with mental illness the same respect and time to reconcile, and that we give them the support they need to be who they are, diagnosis and all.

Mental Health

I haven't hit the "New Post" button in weeks. I haven't even checked on my blog.

Kind of funny, considering my blog is my favorite thing.

I can't think of a creative lead, so I'll just explain my absence plainly:

Bipolar disorder is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain that results in extreme mood fluctuation between depression (lows) and mania (highs). It's more than feeling up and down; it's a loss of control. The roller-coaster metaphor is used a lot, but I would say that in my experience, it's pretty appropriate. You surge upward with inflated self-importance and self-esteem, huge plans and extravagant schemes, boundless energy and no sleep. Then you crash downwards at breakneck speed with hopelessness, thoughts of self-harm, and loss of will to keep going.

The good news is, it can be managed with the right combination of medications and therapy. 

I've spent a lot of time figuring of what triggers my episodes of depression and mania, and what helps me recover from those episodes. Improv, one of my favorite activities, turned out to be a trigger right now, so I've had to take a break.

 I also realized that blogging is a huge help. It makes me passionate about creating original content and creating a dedicated online community. I want my blog to give attention to mental health concerns. I started that with my Eating Disorders post, but I think it needs to be a more regular feature. 

My message today is that if you have thoughts of ending your life, there are people and places that can help you.

Call 911. You will be taken to a local hospital and evaluated. They will keep you in a safe place and determine a course of treatment for you. This may or may not include an extended stay at the hospital. Staying at the hospital allows you to get intensive therapy alone and in a group, get your medications in order, and be away from outside influences while you rest and heal.

Tell an adult. A parent, a teacher, a guidance counselor, a therapist, a doctor, a family friend. For my younger readers: friends your own age will want to help you, but they might not know what to do. 

If you don't feel like there is anyone you can tell, try a hotline, such as 

1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

*Note: If you go to my high school and are experiencing mental health issues, I would recommend going to see Ms. Gallagher. She is a wonderful, kind woman with a plethora of resources to help you through this difficult time. She stayed with me while I contacted my parents and made arrangements to go to the hospital, and she helped me get back on track when I returned to school. Your individual counselor can also help you when taking care of yourself has to become your first priority. School is important, but your life and health is more important!

In the future, I will write a post about what's it like to stay at the hospital, removing the stigma from taking medication, and a more personal post about bipolar disorder, depression, and anxiety. I will still do outfit posts and Vintage Photo Monday, but I will also be an advocate for mental health. If there are any posts you would be interested in reading, please let me know! If you would like to share your story, please contact me. Just click the "Contact Me" button under my banner. 

I hope you are all safe and well.